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...me
hear the whisperings of the wind... feel the cool, icy embrace of water of loneliness see all the colours of the wind and of my heart, that is for you to discover
Friends
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Monday, December 20, 2004
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back from M'sia, and on holiday again hello! first of all, before I begin, to the people who commented on my previous post (renyi, shao, nic, liewqi): thanks, you made my day. really glad to hear from you.. I just returned from my family's trip to M'sia (10 to 18 Dec). Compared to NZ, it of course pales in terms of colour and excitement. Nevertheless, I still enjoyed the trip. It was a pleasant and welcome respite from the monotony and routine of life in Singapore, and provided a break from the routines and schedule that I am so used to. First of all I must explain that it was a driving journey (by car) all the way to the northernmost tip of Malaysia -- Perlis, stopping at Kuala Lumpur, Alor Setar, then on the way back, Ipoh. It was as much the process of getting there as the stops, if not more. And it was this sitting in the car with my family, watching the varying scenery unfold through the car window, listening to music, that provided me the opportunity to meditate and reflect on events and people. And I understood why my Dad insists on an annual family (driving) trip to Malaysia, each year. Yesterday, I attended my cousin's wedding-cum-housewarming-lunch. The buffet was rather good, but as time wore on, again I felt that I was separating from my elder cousins. Ah, well. That's life, sad as it may be. After which, I went back with my cousins, and I'm staying at my cousins' house with my sis till Sat, when we will celebrate Christmas together. Let me enjoy my time here. :-) Thursday, December 02, 2004
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photos. Went swimming again today, right after it rained. The water's nice and cool, but somehow I still miss the "refreshingly chilly" water in New Zealand. And speaking of New Zealand, I've just gotten back the printouts of the photographs I took with my digicam. As I hold these photographs in my hands, looking at one picture after another, nostalgia overwhelms me yet again. The people, the places, the activities. They all linger in my mind, spectres playing again and again, their images confounding reality. Days just seem so rather monotonous now. So slow. So routine. So...lonely. Somehow, I miss the being with my friends (especially that special clique of people) more than being in New Zealand itself. I haven't been to any single gatherings (except the debrief at Nanyang) ever since I came back. Do I consciously build a wall around myself? If so, how ironic, in view of the fact that I try, or at least want to build a bridge instead. I just went to my cousin's house recently. Somehow the place which I enjoyed staying at the most in my childhood has lost its appeal to me... My cousins are mostly not at home. Or they're too old to play with me. They've grown up and left me behind. NS is evil. Growing up is evil. Merry Christmas, everyone. Enjoy your holidays. Don't forget me. Sunday, November 21, 2004
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for once, in a long long time I guess this is the first in a long long time that I'm posting an entry in this blog. The reason I don't blog frequently eludes me as much as it eludes past visitors to my blog (who most probably have given up reading my blog already, seeing as there are no new entries). But I guess for some time, I've been staving off the internet. For some time, I just got too tired of trying to keep in contact (using such inconsistent means as the Internet) with many people, many of whom probably would have forgotten or not bothered about me anyway. But that's just the sad truth about people in general isn't it? And why does it seem that a person's social life only exists insofar as he / she goes online on this thing called MSN Messenger? Can't friendships be maintained, not by MSN Messenger, but by calls, or by meetings or gatherings? What has the Internet done to people? And speaking of gatherings and meetings, people nowadays do seem to prefer 'cyber gatherings' to real life gatherings. I've been trying to organise gatherings, again and again. And what has happened? Most of the times the people I invite reluctantly agree to go, and at the last minute, back out of it and say they've something else going on. In the end, the proposed gathering just vanishes, like a sandcastle in the air which perhaps was what it had been all along. I've almost given up trying to organise them. Sad, isn't it? I just came back a few days ago from New Zealand, and I must say I've learnt a lot and gained many things, both intangible and tangible, from the trip. The pleasant memories, of places, scenery, activities, and people. New interests, inspirations, and aspirations. And a better look at myself. Am I really a 'subdued' person, more inclined towards the nature than to people? If so, what made me the way that I am? Was I like this all along? I went swimming earlier in the evening. And I was thinking then, about who really are close to me, besides my immediate family. I realise that besides some of my relatives (some aunts and cousins), and a few close friends (like Michy), there really are few others I would consider close to me. Do I keep people out? But that would be contradictory, considering I desire more close friends. And my cousins. I used to be very close to my cousins, especially some of my cousins slightly older than me. We used to be so happy, playing together. So happy. And now, we're distant. They're grown up -- serving NS, in university. Seldom do we meet. Rare are the times we can come together, talk animatedly all at once, and play together, just like we used to. Why, why? ...the woes of growing up. Sometimes I wish I was still a child and remained a child, and everyone remained as they were when I was a child. Everyone would be much happier. Sometimes the impassive, relentless passage of time frustrates me, frightens me. Sometimes, sometimes... Sunday, July 18, 2004
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Hi. Hi. I've not been online for quite a long time. There's a test tomorrow, so I'm logging off soon. Nowadays, I've been feeling rather drained. SIAs, schoolwork, competitions, concerts, homework, tests, and whatnots. Felt so much better this morning, but with the day wearing on, I feel almost fatigued again. Hopefully I'll be able to photoblog once a week, once the tests are over. See ya!
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