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for once, in a long long time
I guess this is the first in a long long time that I'm posting an entry in this blog. The reason I don't blog frequently eludes me as much as it eludes past visitors to my blog (who most probably have given up reading my blog already, seeing as there are no new entries). But I guess for some time, I've been staving off the internet. For some time, I just got too tired of trying to keep in contact (using such inconsistent means as the Internet) with many people, many of whom probably would have forgotten or not bothered about me anyway. But that's just the sad truth about people in general isn't it? And why does it seem that a person's social life only exists insofar as he / she goes online on this thing called MSN Messenger? Can't friendships be maintained, not by MSN Messenger, but by calls, or by meetings or gatherings? What has the Internet done to people?

And speaking of gatherings and meetings, people nowadays do seem to prefer 'cyber gatherings' to real life gatherings. I've been trying to organise gatherings, again and again. And what has happened? Most of the times the people I invite reluctantly agree to go, and at the last minute, back out of it and say they've something else going on. In the end, the proposed gathering just vanishes, like a sandcastle in the air which perhaps was what it had been all along. I've almost given up trying to organise them. Sad, isn't it?

I just came back a few days ago from New Zealand, and I must say I've learnt a lot and gained many things, both intangible and tangible, from the trip. The pleasant memories, of places, scenery, activities, and people. New interests, inspirations, and aspirations. And a better look at myself. Am I really a 'subdued' person, more inclined towards the nature than to people? If so, what made me the way that I am? Was I like this all along?

I went swimming earlier in the evening. And I was thinking then, about who really are close to me, besides my immediate family. I realise that besides some of my relatives (some aunts and cousins), and a few close friends (like Michy), there really are few others I would consider close to me. Do I keep people out? But that would be contradictory, considering I desire more close friends. And my cousins. I used to be very close to my cousins, especially some of my cousins slightly older than me. We used to be so happy, playing together. So happy. And now, we're distant. They're grown up -- serving NS, in university. Seldom do we meet. Rare are the times we can come together, talk animatedly all at once, and play together, just like we used to. Why, why? ...the woes of growing up. Sometimes I wish I was still a child and remained a child, and everyone remained as they were when I was a child. Everyone would be much happier. Sometimes the impassive, relentless passage of time frustrates me, frightens me.

Sometimes, sometimes...

- posted by Qintan @ 11/21/2004 08:14:00 pm (0) comments